Autism

We live life, we have experiences, experiences comprised of smaller experiences, smaller experiences consisting of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, interactions.

When patterns of suffering exist, psychologists consider these feelings, thoughts, perceptions, behaviors, etc as "symptoms". I never gave much consideration to the array of diagnostic categories in the DSM, rather, I generally consider this categorical thinking that pathologizes "mental health" conditions as typical ignorance of a people severed from the root (a topic in the book) due to this mentality's inability to provide healing for the conditions it defines.

But when I began remembering the horrors of my youth, realizing how obvious my diagnosis of PTSD was, the validity and use of diagnostic labels like this became more evident to me.

The "symptoms" I experience which give me a diagnosis in the autisim spectrum, I think of as normal and not something needing to be "solved", but they present sufficient challenge and struggle to participate in the world that I identify with this diagnosis.

Most notable among these challenges, which makes work exceedingly difficult, is my acute sensitivity to sensory input.

I used to have a magical shell (the shell dream was one of numerous magical dreams that I began to understand in a new way once remembering the abuse of my childhold) that protected me from the abusive harshness of the world.

One of the vectors it protected me from was the pain of sounds.

Many sounds that you wouldn't even notice are physically painful to me. I carry ear protection everywhere I go now. I've had to wear ear protection inside with the windows closed when there's a machine running nearby.

Sharing my story

I'm interested in using my story as a tool for change. The systems are so bad, horrendous, really, and the solutions are so simple.

The journey's not over…

What I personally need in order to heal is so simple, yet unavailable, so my condition exacerbates and worsens, and has me in a bit of a crisis. I could certainly use some help.

Most upsetting is lacking ammenity to do my work.